By Tiffany Lai August 10, 2023
I was engaged with about 5 months or so before my wedding date and was working in the ICU. There was a lady in her 20s admitted to the hospital because an organ was failing and she needed medical support while waiting for a transplant. As that primary organ failed, other organs started having issues as well. She was intubated and placed in a medical coma.
The day I saw her for an evaluation, she was extubated and the doctors started weaning her sedation. PT had just transferred her to a neurochair and I came in with a plan to do therapy for cognition, alertness, engagement, and ADLs.
Her husband was sitting dutifully next to her, watching as I oriented her to the date, where she was and why she was here. She had a RASS -3 score, very low arousal. Knowing patients often respond best to family and loved ones, I asked him to talk to her and show her pictures of family. As he showed her pictures, she began engaging, asking about her dog, coughing and laughing weakly at photos. All really good signs. I had her practice lifting her arm and using her finger to swipe the screen to the change to the next photo.
The photos soon became photos of their wedding. A lovely couple walking along a beach, a laugh spread across the womans face. The woman was barely recognizable compared to the state she was currently in. Suddenly, the patient looked away and started tearing up. It was hardly audible, her vocal cords weak from bedrest and intubation, “You don’t deserve this. You should leave me.” Her husband paused and without missing a beat said “For better or for worse, til death do us part.”
I was there like a third wheel in the corner, about to bawl my eyes out. That phrase, which is such a common wedding vow, suddenly had such a profound meaning as I saw it in play with the couple in front of me. It meant sticking with someone through brushes with death, even through years of rehabilitation and caregiving.
As my wedding ceremony neared its end, it was time for our oaths. We used those same words with that patient in mind “For richer or poorer. For better or worse. Till death do us part.”